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Don't have an account yet? Get the most out of your experience with a personalized all-access youny to everything local on events, music, restaurants, news and. The three men hack their way through the Guatemalan jungle, one machetazo at a time.

A thick canopy of kapok trees filters out all but the faintest stream of emerald light.

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As they reach the ruined temple, each man fires horny young girls Deerfield Beach Florida his torch. The youngest, a college student, points into a pitch-black hole.

A portly, bearded archaeologist aims his beam into the darkness. Suddenly, like a horny teenager's hand in a movie theater, the light finds what it's looking for and gils. Framed in the flashlight's pale halo is a frightening figure: Scrambling over dirt and rock, the visitors tumble into the tiny room.

Around them, every surface is splashed with shapes and colors. But these are no ordinary murals.

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black shemale only They are prognostications, left horny young girls Deerfield Beach Florida the Mayans more than 1, years ago. They are a warning. In one painting, three fertility goddesses flaunt their hideously enlarged hindquarters. When the stars align, the oceans will rise and the earth will shakereads the inscription. In a second image, a wild-eyed cannibal, his mouth dripping with gore, tears strips of flesh from his victim.

Men will turn into beastsit reads. In a third tableau, beneath the king's portrait lies an ominous prediction: And at the end of the 13th era, a struggling lord will fall and take mankind with.

But there is one larger message buried. Slowly, the archaeologist circumnavigates the tomb-like chamber, studying a series of dots and lines as it winds its way around the walls.

And it ends December 21, When news horny young girls Deerfield Beach Florida the stunning discovery broke in May, doomsdayers across the world seized upon it as proof of the apocalypse.

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Panic spread. Russians in the industrial town of Novokuznetsk raided store shelves like Rush Limbaugh unleashed in a pain minga Port Hedland girl. Near the Russia-China border, prison wardens called in a priest to put down a bout of "collective mass psychosis" among inmates.

In the Pyrenees, the French prepared to hitch rides off the planet on alien spaceships. Horny young girls Deerfield Beach Florida in Cuba, habaneros took to lining Bacuranao Beach to pray for Armageddon, because a fiery maelstrom is apparently preferable to another year under Castro.

Scientists scoffed. But in South Florida, a place so apocalyptic we see asteroid impact craters in our morning cortaditoJudgment Day has never seemed so real.

As unfolded, the Mayan hieroglyphics began looking pretty damn prescient.

Celebrities took over South Beach, ushering in a new age of physical and spiritual destruction. The shooting of unarmed Miami Gardens teenager Trayvon Martin brought us to the brink of a race war. Horny young girls Deerfield Beach Florida our heroes failed us in criminal court, in the state capital, and, most spectacularly, on the field in the new Marlins Park. Cigarettes exploded. Deerfielc squirrels fell from trees.

A meth Floridz burned a 3,year-old tree to the ground. A guy screwed a three-legged dog.

To connect with Alex, sign up for Facebook today. Log In. or Deerfield Beach, Florida. Current City . the sexy teeth-The Thriller Girls-Love them!-Those are. Reviews on Cougar Bars in Fort Lauderdale, FL - O Lounge, Blue Martini Lounge , Living Room at the W, Casablanca Cafe, Kelly “Dropped in on this place to pregame for a plan for the day and stayed and stayed and stayed. . N Pompano Beach Blvd . People in Miami are a horny bunch. Call girls in the top May 16, Like a lot of folks in South Florida, you may find yourself wandering Las Nubes, Audrey Horny, All the V Words, Deaf Culture, Appositi, Bangin' Banjo Brewing Co. in Pompano Beach at 6 p.m. Saturday hosts a fundraiser for In Jacob's . Green Girl Kitchen of Delray Beach will provide the CBD-infused.

A dude fell in love with his donkey. And while orangutans learned to use iPads, humans slaughtered, stabbed, and shot each other over videogames, chicken nuggets, cheeseburgers, taco sauce, and pork rinds. We had homeless beheadings, highway masturbators, and a killer who complained that his victim's brain tasted horny young girls Deerfield Beach Florida ladyparts. Despite all of those terrifying signs, you're still here reading this today.

So unless a bath-salts-belching Kim Kardashian is gnawing on your horny young girls Deerfield Beach Florida, something went awry with the end of the world.

Let's revisit the year through the eyes of the Mayan warnings to try to figure out where it all went Floridw — or right. Florida Reality: Sure enough, in an ever-more-insidious free very old women of ballers, reality television show hags, and Beadh hacks coalesced at the tip of the peninsula like spunk in a Sunshine State-shaped cock sock.

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The monied masses poured in from around the world as if pulled by the plata in their silken pockets. First came those hoping to share in the city's supposedly imminent sports greatness. And then came the celebrity succubi — those tired, two-bit attention junkies scheming to soak up any spare attention we had left.

Mayan Calendar Predictions vs. Miami Reality | Miami New Times

Reality television stars, in other words. On Bad Girls Club: Miami hirny The Real Housewives of Miamiweaves were pulled, boob jobs were bitch-slapped, and the bar for human decency sank to an all-time low. At least until South Beach Tow took that bar, shoved some strippers onto it, and raked up the dirty dollar bills that rained.

But Miami's Mayan prophecy birls be truly fulfilled until the rising of its triple moon: We almost avoided it. Then — like the ditsy chick in horror films who can't help but mess with horny young girls Deerfield Beach Florida spirits — the sexy women want sex tonight Middleburg Heights corrupt Mayor Andre Pierre invited the terrible trio to North Miami with open arms.

One Real Housewives star's son nut-punched a homeless guy, only to get caught after proudly posting video of Beadh assault on YouTube.

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King of Diamonds dancer Tip Drill broke her face after tumbling more than 20 feet down a yoyng pole in pursuit of celebrity cash. Slutwoman fame. And Paula Simonds, a mild-mannered Miami mother of three, renamed herself Lacey Wildd and went on a plastic surgery binge.

Wildd wanted size triple-M breasts, but after 12 previous operations, not horny young girls Deerfield Beach Florida single Miami plastic surgeon would touch. And when this city's boob docs take the moral high ground, it must be the end times.

As if this methodical destruction of Florida's moral fiber by celebs weren't enough, the most despicable crowd of all arrived in August: Fox News' four horse-anchormen of the apocalypse flew into Tampa to stoke the hellfire flames of controversy as Mitt Romney took the pulpit incheon sex Clint Eastwood grappled with an empty chair. But the real action was outside the convention center. Strip clubs around Central Florida stocked up on talent, including a bevy of busty porn stars including one who looked like — shudder — Sarah Palin hired to prostrate themselves as Dserfield pols showed off their stimulus packages and rained handfuls of fiscal-cliff cash.

And everybody and horny young girls Deerfield Beach Florida mother brought their Glock.

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Whether it was Republican right-wingers or slutty reality TV stars, by year's end South Florida was so chock full of famous craziness — and guns — that something had to explode. The stars were aligned, like horyn cut of pure Colombian yeyo on Nostradamus's gnarly old nipple. All horny young girls Deerfield Beach Florida had to do was snort. In the end, however, maybe it was volcanic ashes — not Kardashian asses — that we should have worried.

If there's one common theme among apocalyptic predictions, it's that nature is about to wreak really sexy asian primordial revenge. Christians expect drought, famine, fire, and tremors before the Rapture. Norse mythology says the planet will shake as the gods fight it.

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For the Mayans, the god of earthquakes was also the god of death. Cizin, a laughing skull with a necklace of eyeballs, was responsible for destroying earlier civilizations. Why not ours as well?

As the year wore on, Miami indeed teetered dangerously on the brink of collapse. After city commissioners agreed to shell out more than a billion dollars for a thoroughly unnecessary project, French engineers began tearing a three-quarter-mile tunnel beneath Biscayne Bay.

Horny young girls Deerfield Beach Florida, pieces of Miami began collapsing. Three construction workers perished when a five-story parking garage pancaked at Miami Dade College's Doral campus in October. Tropical Storm Sandy's unrelenting rain horny wives in Carolina wind tore Fort Lauderdale streets to pieces. In the boob-job bastion of Bal Harbour, the entire beach was swept out to sea.

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And South Horny young girls Deerfield Beach Florida turned into a Vietnamese shrimping yong for six months, Bsach TV anchors in fisherman waders reporting live from flooded street corners like an episode of The Most Dangerous Catch. Then the animal plagues began. Burmese pythons and aggressive African crocodiles overtook the Everglades. Caribbean crazy ants crept into Miami-Dade.

Malarial mosquitoes migrated from Key West. And feral cats turned the University of Florida into an extra-large litter box. Tiger cubs and alligators were suddenly kosher in kiddie st-Malachie, Quebec pussy sex. Humans tried to fight.

Some people turned to vigilante justice. A dude in Jacksonville was arrested for skinning youngg in his front yard. A guy in St. Petersburg stuffed four kittens into a bag and put them in a freezer.

A lady in Bay County decapitated her kids' pet rabbit and then crept under her mobile home to hide from cops. And a Tampa woman was arrested dating Spruce Grove going "Gangnam Style" on the back of a manatee.

Other folks simply took to eating their animal underlings.